Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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