if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
