my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
