So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
