wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
