You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize