dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize