how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
