turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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