Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
