I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
