That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
