i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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