We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dignity is for republicans.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
