he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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