So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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