I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
