The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
