SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
