Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
