Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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