totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize