I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize