I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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