No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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