never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
