He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You took a bar mat shot.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
