I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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