morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize