We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
