I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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