We need to rekindle our bromance
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
