ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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