Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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