eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
