Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
MIDGETS
????
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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