So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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