he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
