Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
