he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The air was thick with penises
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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