Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
