just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Two words: blizzard sex
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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