Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
