I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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