he shaved USA in his pubs
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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