Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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