PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
