somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
