I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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