i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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