My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
