just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
