I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
