would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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