i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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