He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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