this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
