My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize