i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
