I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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