quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
