you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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