i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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