my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
