Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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