When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
