margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
