:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
