Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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