I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
