Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize