4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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