Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
