Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
