I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
