Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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